Morning everyone,
Happy end of this week—which felt truly out of control by the way. Anyone else? Moody days punctuated by utterly confusing, not entirely satisfying cries. Now that I’ve reached Thursday and have some clarity I have to contribute at least a pinch (if not a handful) of the heart-wrenching mania to the Red release. Oh and then the Adele special. Everyone is thirty and we’ve reaaaallly doused and marinated ourselves in our feelings this week.
All the times I cried:
After falling asleep while watching Guardians of the Galaxy 2 with my boyfriend. We wanted to watch it together and I could’t keep myself awake. I ruined everything. I’m not fun.
When my yoga teacher said “there is nothing to fix, nothing to change.” And it was like one of those intense sip inhales to keep me from really letting it out. ARIELLA.
When I went to the MoMA with my grams. Watching her go up the escalator got me good. Go figure.
The Make You Feel My Love performance
When I bought expensive leggings and justified the cool $98 simply by swapping it with my therapy session for the week. It’s budgeting! She can have it all! Right then and there, at the register of Lululemon, I sent off my email: “Hi, I can’t make it for our session this week, I’m OK skipping and will see you next time!” I feel moody and indulgent. I cry.
After I got home from said resourceful errand, exhausted by the subway and people moving near me in ways I had no control over (I’m still afraid of COVID and am jumpy etc), I showed my boyfriend my “thunder pattern” leggings, wrapped myself up in a blanket cocoon, and told him my genius idea about cancelling therapy. . . and then cried some more:
“Maybe therapy would feel good this week? You know yourself best, but it might feel nice to let it all out and process?”, my boyfriend gently suggested. He was onto something. I took out my phone and emailed (just an hour after my previous message): “Never mind! The meeting I had got cancelled, I can make it after all!” Likely a red flag. “The meeting I had.”
After feeling a bit more resolved I celebrated with cookies (which lead me into a different, arguably equal feeling of vulnerability):
I’m getting x-rays on Monday, stay tuned!
Oh man, Taylor wrecked me this week. My very fun tearful moment came after I spent ALL day waffling on whether I wanted to buy a RED cardigan or not. After I got into bed I was still thinking about it so I caved and pulled up the website to order it. I missed the window by an HOUR. Yes, I cried.