Morning,
Writing to you as I work through a question that’s been rolling around in my head this week:
These types of (often shorter-lived) relationships feel more like a performance of a specific version of myself and it’s exhausting.
When I digest the fact that excitement isn’t always the best criteria for going on a second date with someone, I start to get a little disoriented and second-guess my gut. Is it possible that one of those too-cold, soggy porridge dates could evolve into just right? How many meh chances do I give someone? How do I know if I’m passing on something that might grow on me?
Well, my latest conclusion is that I’m (shock) overthinking things. There is no reason to try and outsmart or maneuver around my emotional/bodily reactions—and the food comparison really helps, especially when considering the true subjectivity of it all. Take cannolis for example: objectively delicious, and on paper I should be obsessed with them. Pastry? Fantastic. Ricotta? in my top three favorite foods. Ricotta is the ingredient that makes me order the dish. When I really need a pick-me-up, I’ve (as referenced earlier) been known to sit with a tub of the stuff and eat it like yogurt, maybe with some globs of tomato sauce plopped in there—or honey if I’m in a sweeter mood. I’ll go against my better lactose-intolerant judgement and inflict long-lasting bodily pain for an evening with ricotta. All to say, you’d think I would love cannolis, but don’t. I wouldn’t even eat one if it was presented to me as a gift, or as a free snack in a workplace where I’m bored and want something to eat to pass the time. I simply don’t like cannolis and I don’t give that fact a second thought. And yes, people are far more complex than dessert, but food and relationships both come down to (I think) comfort and desire. Some lovely balance of the two.
And so for the sake of giving myself a clearer gut level reference point, this is my reframe of “when you know, you know”:
My second-guessing is more a product of wanting to land with someone and have that very nice date, so of course I’m going to rummage around and see if there’s something I can make of the ingredients that I’ve been presented with. But if nothing’s calling to me, I’m not going to force it. Instead, I’ll patiently keep testing things out until I’m genuinely enticed to explore further and trust that that’s not me being too picky!!
Stay tuned and thanks for reading🍚
“A stable base that leaves room for things to get more interesting and layered over time”... this is exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you!
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