Hi everyone,
Before I get into my sweet little comic for the week, I just want to acknowledge what’s going on in the world—specifically in the Middle East, but also its reverberations outward. It’s been hard to think about anything else. As a Jewish person, the daughter of an Israeli, and the granddaughter of holocaust survivors, I don’t think I could send this newsletter without noting the weight and pain of this time. It’s heavy and scary. Given the nature and extent of what I share with you in this newsletter, it felt unnatural to leave this grief unacknowledged. I’m not going to share any opinions, or suggest a context or framework for anyone else’s, this is a note to say that I empathize with your pain if you’re feeling it—especially if it’s hitting really close to your heart and home, wherever that might be❤️. Hoping this email is a welcome moment of levity.
Writing to you with my big autumn update:
I grew up with dogs my entire life and I think animals are the best people to be around, but for some reason I never thought I could be someone who has their own pet. I’m too anxious, I get controlling when I get scared, I’ve never given an animal a pill and worry they’ll get mad and never forgive me if I do, and I like to keep my things nice—specifically my collection of little fragile cups and figurines and food-themed ceramics. I (in a very chill, nonchalant way of course) put a towel down before friends and I enjoy takeout on my couch, and pretend I don’t see the fear in my sister’s eyes when she sets down her glass a bit too forcefully on my coffee table. I LOVE HOSTING! GUESTS FEEL VERY COMFORTABLE IN MY HOME!
Aside from my neurosis (which was definitely a factor in why I decided to adopt a cat in the first place—let’s hear it for a growth mindset!), the no animals rule in my building has kept this pet thing out of the question. I went through the majority of this past year totally resigned to the fact that I will likely not have a pet as long as I live in this city (I’m simply not moving again). I couldn’t help but notice though that the only two other tenants in my building both have dogs…so this rule appeared to be…flexible. And as the novelty of living alone wore off (but never completely, because it really is the best and I better be enjoying it for how expensive it is), my yearning for the company of the cat I sat for in LA in Feb 2022 grew stronger and stronger each month. When I felt a little sad, I looked at pictures of him. I sang to his perfect pink little belly and large alien eyes. And sometimes cried.
In August I decided I would start making moves. I asked my neighbor about his dog and he told me that he’d initially snuck her in, but eventually got her written into the lease (Gidget, and only Gidget the mini Shih Tzu is allowed). It was possible, and apparently apparently asking for permission could bring results. Come September, I was promised that my lease renewal in October would have an amendment allowing ONE cat *as long as I promise that this one cat “will not open the door to two.”
I spent the weeks of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur on Petfinder, scrolling through the app in search for my cat. And soon enough, a familiar inner dialogue emerged:
are her eyes evil or just stunning?
i never saw myself with a thin gray cat…but why should i close myself off?
we have the same sense of humor, we have to meet
the instagram cross-reference: most of the shelters posting on Petfinder have instagram accounts, so I was able to look up additional photos and info for my prospective matches
would we look good together (and yes at one point i did hold a couple cat photos next to my face in the mirror just to see)
what if i find “my cat” only to see my actual pet soulmate on here a week later?
And then of course after a couple of days on the app, the inevitable happened:
The moment I saw her, I felt we were destined to be together, she just didn’t know it yet (another very familiar morsel of online dating brain).
The more I read about her, the more certain I felt our paths would cross and then never diverge. The daydreams began…
That night, I filled out an application (and sent a very chill follow-up email re my interest in Freddie specifically: “she sounds like she could be the perfect cat for me! But of course I’m open to others and of course she’d have to choose me too 😊”). I have to laugh. I was recently on a trip with friends and thought I’d misplaced my fanny pack on the beach. For context, my fanny pack holds it all: phone, wallet, keys, sanity. When I’d lost sight of it, I began to pepper in small “hey, no prob if not, but have you seen my fanny pack” as I pretended to be a functioning member of the group and conversation. Underneath my carefully spaced out intervals of “have you seen it by any chance,” my rapidly beating heart was dropping straight down towards my clenched anus and nothing else mattered. My friend Jordan finally laughed and said “Ariella I know you’re fully panicking, Eva thinks she saw it in the hotel room before we left.” I paused my spinning—you know in Mario Cart when the car gets stuck in a corner? I never brought the fanny pack to the beach. Thank god. We now call it fanny packing whenever I think I’m being chill.
All to say, I fanny-packed my adoption application for Freddie.
And just like any other “it’s not a match” date, I went back to the apps with more information than I’d started with, growing my list of needs from “cute and a little funny” to:
a lap cat (understanding of course that it takes time to warm up)
happy alone without any other pets, but potentially amenable to new family members down the line
good for a beginner cat owner i.e. no major behavioral “quirks”
proficient in litter boxes
My first go-round looking at cats, I felt selfish having criteria for an animal that desperately needed a home. This animal needs a warm place to sleep! You shouldn’t be picky about this! But as I spoke with more people and sat with what it would actually mean to adopt a cat, I realized that what’s best for me really will be best for the cat. If it doesn’t feel like a true match, I shouldn’t adopt just because I feel bad. That won’t end well for anyone.
(or so I tried)
And I did find the perfect cat for me. I love taking care of her (i.e. spending all of my money on her and her new fancy limited ingredient food) and she is stretching me way beyond my comfort zone. I haven’t slept a full night since bringing her home, but I’m really proud of both of us for giving each other some grace as we get used to our new lives together.
Also, she has thumbs (hence her foster name):
And also she is GORGEOUS.
an important resemblance
More on Fran to come, stay tuned. Sending lots of love.
💗ariella
Congratulations!
Also... My dear friend Gemma has an alternative to fannypacking, in which instant and vocal (/screaming) panic sets in with no pretense of chillness. It's called "WHERE'S MY HAT?!", and the answer is to put your hands where your hat would usually be: it's there.
I'm so excited to have read the full story! I saw some photos on your gram and have been waiting for it! I Love Love Love her thumbs. Congratulations to you both for finding each other and I can't wait to see more Fran adventure comics!