Calzones are worth the diarrhea

and all the other foods I will suffer for.

I’m back in NYC, baby. And I’m headed straight for cheese.

First meal back? Mozzarella sticks and eggplant parm with my three closest friends. I will likely writhe in pain tonight, creating a fart bed from haven and hell, knowing that when I wake I’ll spend the morning on the toilet. I’ve got a bamboo squatty potty and truly all the time in the world. Reckless, unadulterated, haphazard, indulgence in melty crispy mozzarella is worth the pain. Oh to for a moment pretend you’re not lactose intolerant. A thrill!

Other foods I will suffer for:

• ravioli - specifically: the fish-shaped kids’ menu ravioli at Bertucci’s. Do they still have that?

• ricotta cheese in general - my favorite way to enjoy is plain. With spoon. Occasionally rounding out the experience with a side car of tomato sauce. I break out into a cold sweat every time.

• if I have a craving for a cookie I will go out in any sort of of weather to get cookies. currently loving these. my general rule of thumb is that it’s always good to have a cookie in the home. The need will come, and you’ll have something at the ready.

• a hot, smushy bagel with too much cream cheese - scallion cream cheese if I’m really letting go (everything in the onion family is tough for me to digest). Bagels really make me feel like shit, but I do think they are the reason we are alive. My old day job would have free bagels every Monday which is lightly manipulative, but they were the PERFECT bagels. Warm, puffy, and FREE.

• this ice cream - I am not an ice cream person. I love it because it’s delicious, but it’s not my choice in dessert. Especially since it wreaks absolute havoc on my bowels. This flavor, however. THIS FLAVOR. I will happily take on a burning asshole for this flavor.

• brie cheese - it’s the best food we have.

*This has been a sample of ~paid~ content I’ll be beginning next month. Name TBD—something like midnight snack—where I’ll dip into specific foods or food groups. My official ranking of Pepperidge Farm cookies, all the foods I pair with ketchup, and my thoughts on how to best enjoy tuna fish. Regular and free snack time will continue, but this’ll be an extra bite and an opportunity to support me and my work:) More soon!